bhenks, this is for you!

…eight sweet teeth later…

 

the hamster and the bat

this story is about mama hamster and her meeting with a big, nasty bat.

setting:  mama hamster was busy with her squash seeds and watching the tv.  second hamster was in the living room with her little son.  third hamster wasn’t in the house that time.

second hamster was playing with her son when she heard mama hamster let out a loud shriek, “bat!”  of course, second hamster ran to her room to see what the commotion was about but was met by mama hamster with a wild look in her eyes.  breathlessly, mama hamster said in a shuddering voice, “a huge bat…inside our room…very large…very black…very disgusting!”

second hamster, who was afraid of the bat but wanted it gone, offered to help mama hamster get rid of it.  she went inside mama hamster’s room and saw the squash seeds scattered all over the bed (proof that mama hamster was surprised out her wits), but when she saw just how huge it was and just how black, left mama hamster’s room quickly, leaving mama hamster to do the dirty deed herself.

with a loud harrumph, mama hamster (who really wanted it gone) took the broom from the dining room and came creeping back (much like rambo did in his movies) towards their room.  after a loud indian cry, a lot of dancing later with broom crazily waving way above her head, and much, much panicked shrieking from mama hamster, mama hamster failed to get the bat.  it was also very unfortunate that the bat hid itself.

“where is it?” mama hamster cried.

second hamster, who boasts of a very good 20/20 eyesight, looked for the bat, “there!” she answered, pointing towards the screen.  tightly gripping the screen was the bat, shaking in fright from mama hamster’s crazy broom dance.

“i need the insecticide.  where is it?”  mama hamster asked.

“dining room,” second hamster replied, “by the window.  but it won’t kill the bat.”

“i just want it a bit dizzy, so i can smack it with the broom,” came the anxious reply from mama hamster.

“fine by me.”

mama hamster took the can from the dining room, and with another of her rambo moves, she crept slowly towards the bat and sprayed.  she aimed high, and she aimed true.

zzzzzzttttttttttt!!!!!!!!

insecticide spray hit the bat right smack in the middle of its face.

thud!

bat landed on the floor.

“where?” mama hamster asked breathlessly.

“there!” second hamster answered just as breathlessly.

wham!

broom hit bat hard, but bat, although probably very lightheaded from the insecticide, still managed to fly off.  mama hamster let out another wild indian cry, went after poor bat (who landed on top of her bed, mind you!), and hit, and hit, and hit, and hit poor bat!

squash seeds flew in every direction, in very, very slow motion.

wham!  down came the broom, and squash seeds flew to the other side of the bed.  wham!  down came the broom, and squash seeds flew to the floor.  wham! down came the broom, and squash seeds flew towards her night table.  wham! down came the broom, and squash seeds flew all around mama hamster in great, big, white spray of little  seeds.  wham!  down came the broom, and mama hamster kept hitting and hitting and hitting poor bat.

“mama, that’s enough.  bat’s conked out of its head!”

“the dustpan, quick!”

second hamster ran out of the room into the kitchen, grabbed the dustpan, and went back inside the room.

with mini shrieks after mini shrieks, mama hamster swept the bat into the dustpan and straight into the plastic bag she had prepared while second hamster was out of the room.

with a shudder, mama hamster tied the plastic bag’s ends together and went out of the room.

second hamster followed, and dread crept into her veins when she saw where mama hamster was headed.

“niko!  bat, o!”

the baby, oh, lord, the ever-curious baby, stood up, held out his hands and said, “kua! kua!”  (get!  get!) *this is his version of “give me”*

now it was second hamster’s turn to shriek, “mama! no!”

of course, mama hamster has no intention of giving the bat to the baby.  instead, she held it out in front of the baby to give him a good look at it, and surprise of all surprises, the bat stirred and began clawing its way out of the plastic bag.

the baby, seeing the bat moving, did a little jig of excitement and waved his hands, “bat! pliiitttt!!!  kua!” (bat!  please!  get!)

“throw it away!” second hamster shrieked the second time.

mama hamster laughed, turned away, and threw it into the dustbin.

baby crying, “bat! bat! kua! kua!  lola, tao kiko bat!” (grandma, give niko the bat.)

*sigh*

babies!

the three hamsters

there are three hamsters at home.

there’s the original hamster we call the mama hamster.  if there are people who love their junk food, mama hamster loves her squash seeds, and she’s deeply protective of them, too.  she buys three large packets of squash seeds and hides them from the other two hamsters’ views.  now, mama hamster’s favorite pastime is munching on the seeds while watching abs-cbn shows.  she simply places the seeds on her stomach and munches away.

the second hamster eats only a moderate amount of squash seeds and only when the mood hits her.  she usually eats them before going to sleep, while reading her book (as it’s the only time of the day that she gets to read anything) or while watching the tube with her hubby.

now, the third hamster is the most interesting hamster of all.  this hamster steals the other hamsters’ stashes of squash seeds.  mama hamster, who, as stated above, is very protective of her seeds, has turned to hiding them from the third hamster, but this can’t seem to keep the third hamster’s greedy little fingers off her stash.  and the third hamster always, always finds her stash and drags it to its lair.

the second hamster, after buying her usual three packets of squash seeds and finding them gone about a week later, has also taken to burying her own stash of seeds underneath piles and piles of bags.  this kept the third hamster from stealing her seeds, but not enough though ‘coz the third hamster will still claim any squash seeds it sees as its own, even though they are being kept safe in the first and second hamsters’ rooms.

so if ever you lose your secret stash of squash seeds, you know where to look for the culprit.

the third hamster’s up two flights of stairs, down the corridor, and past the cr.  now, the culprit’s lair is the last door to the left, and you will not find it difficult to miss the third hamster.  he’s that big guy with the pair of glasses.

trending

if you have a sari-sari store, you will definitely notice some trending.

take for example last week.  last week, people were parched (and i mean very, very parched) for alcoholic beverages.  i think our resident alcoholics consumed about three cases of red horse jumbo and a case of 500s for two nights straight.  then there were those who also bought matador.  no, not the solo ones, but the litros and the long necks!

alcoholic beverages are a great way to boost your little store’s income, and trust me when i say that, when they buy, they really buy a lot!

the other week, people were looking for toothpaste, and i think we sold four sachets of toothpaste that time.  four! that’s huge when toothpaste is not something that people always buy in sari-sari stores.

then there was also that day when people had the craving for instant pancit canton and instant mami.  believe me, we ran out of instants and people were still looking for them.

come the weekends, i always prepare our stock of detergents and fabric softeners ‘coz it is expected that lots of ‘em are going to be doing their laundries.

there was one day though that placed a smile on my face…and lala’s, too, for that matter…there was a day when there were a lot of BLEEDERS roaming francia.  hahahahahahaha!!!  and they all wanted sanitary napkins.  ahahahaha!

and today, well, they all wanted sugar, and  i think we have already sold two kilos of them na.

but there is one item though that a large group of people are always looking for.

yep, you guessed it right, mate!  yosi!

bad as it may seem, but i think yosi will never go outa of style.  as long as there are smokers and as long as these smokers are addicted to cigs, the cig industry can always expect a large market base, including, of course, me.

grumbling ramblings

first off…tere, am gonna miss your thoughts, crazy as they may sometimes be.  hehehe.  anyhoo, it’s weird AND eerie how one could have an online stalker who pores over your blog that religiously, not reading it for the sheer pleasure of sharing one’s life, albeit online, but for a very different reason altogether.

hokay…

this is not interesting as most of you won’t probably get it, so if you don’t want to read something as stupid as this, then, by all means, bye-ee!  hehehe.

anyhoo, been regretting one stupid decision that have made yesterday, but am stuck with it for the time being until have finished the last stick.

mamae came home with a pack of west ice.  am not a fan of the brand, especially since the novelty of west ice was gone after just two sticks.  am a marlboro woman through and through, and west ice…am sorry…but it tastes like you’re sucking on nothing but paper and dry leaves!  there’s no kick to it, for lack of a better term.  anyhoo, mamae told me that she’d like to exchange it for a pack of marlboro menthols (for deejay, mind you, bako sa bados!), and, well, i got a bit greedy and was suckered into saying yes.  the last time i had west ice was way back when we were studying for the board exam, and, as expected, the cigs were not worth my money.  should’ve listened to my lungs when they were vehemently shaking their veins and arteries “no” to the west ice, but, no, i had to waste money and purchase a pack.

and yesterday was no different.  i swapped good old marlboro for a pack of west ice, and my lungs and i are regretting that stupid decision.  stupid me, i know!

so, here i am, stuck with the damned thing.  can’t throw it away and can’t even give it away.  nobody in this house wants it, except for stupid me.  for that few seconds, i wanted it enough to trade trusty marlboro with yucky west ice.

so there!

i know you, guys, won’t get it, but what the hell…

*sigh*

am going back to my farm and cafe…

nose like a dog’s

god gifted me with a nose like a dog’s.

have been complaining since yesterday morning that i can smell a dead rat.   bo and lala, who were gifted with rhinitis (hence their always stuffy noses), said that they can’t smell anything rotten.  mamae, who is pregnant, says that she, too, can’t detect any rotting rat, but i chalked it off to raging hormones clouding her olfactory judgment.

to stop me from nagging and to mask the “imaginary” smell that am complaining about, bo lit a katol.  its fumes did mask the smell after some time, so i thought i really was just having some olfactory hallucination.

anyhoo, when i went down this morning, i knew i was not having any olfactory hallucination ‘coz i can still smell the damned thing.  told tia caring about it who said it might be the CR.  went in the CR, but it was not where the smell was coming from, but i knew it was close ‘coz the smell was getting stronger.

finally couldn’t stand it (have a very weak stomach for smells such as this), so told tia caring that it really was the smell of a dead rat.  thank god that she ordered rachel to do the dirty deed of looking for the source and cleaning it up ‘coz i don’t have the stomach for it.

when rachel came down, my nose led her to the place, “dyan o, dyan hali ang parong,” pointing towards where the old stove was.

we lifted the old stove and…

…gaaaaahhhhh!!!!…

the fucking thing is still alive.

no, wait!

the fat maggots are lifting it!

ran straight to the door, heaved mightily, and nearly puked my guts out!

yosi!  i need my yosi!!!

facebook in my nightmare

really, tere, facebook has even invaded my nightmare!  the hours it take to cook the food has found a way to make itself integral in it.

the zombies are coming, riding on snails.  it will take two days for them to get here, so that gives me one day to make candles and another 30 minutes for rachel to make them into garlands and candle wreaths, which we can tie around our necks.  for what purpose, god only knows what!

have 30 more minutes to spare before the snail-riding zombies arrive, and i can set it up so that, after half an hour, my defenses are strong.

pretty remarkable, eh, how one game can invade the ugliest nightmare that one can have.

…sundown…

the time of day that i hate the most is when (excuse me ‘coz am going to get quite maudlin here) nag-aagaw na ang liwanag saka diklom.

while everybody else i know feels that this time of the day is the most romantic hours (insert picture here of couples walking along the beach, holding hands, with sunset in the background), i feel quite the opposite.  the room does not feel right, and however strong your light bulb may be, it does not change the fact that the room is still gloomy.  the color of the sky is a hateful, depressing color of reds, blues, and grays with splashes of white clouds.  and the trees and buildings outside are just dark outlines of themselves. ugh!  ugly!

dusk reminds me of zombies and vampires, waking up and creeping out of their lairs; and dusk reminds me of those times that we were traveling home from tiwi, those times when i was wishing so hard that i was home, safe and sound, curled up in bed with the current book that am reading.  dusk is that time of the day i wish would hurry up so that i could enjoy the light given off by artificial lighting.

and right now, am wishing for dusk to hurry up and turn to night.

hurry up, dusk!

it came in a dream

remember my post about the lost key to our front door lock?

well, i finally found it, and the answer came in a dream.

all i saw in my dream was a dark corner under the first floor’s stairs, and hanging from an old protruding nail was a big, very old, and very rusty key.

i forgot about the dream when i woke up, of course, and it was days later when we were minding the store that the dream came back to me.  i went directly under the stairs, looked up, and by the gods, a big, very old, and very rusty key was, indeed, hanging from an old protruding nail.

excited, i tried it on the lock, and it fits!  the key fits!

locked the front door,
inserted the key,
twisted it,
twisted it some more,
and what do you know, it unlocked the front door!

i tried it a few more times, and it really was the old missing key to our front door.

told mama the story and gave her the key for safekeeping.

now, am waiting for winning lotto numbers to come to my dreams.

winning lotto numbers, my mind is clear and am ready.  come to me!

salamat kay tere

the main reason why i haven’t been blogging lately is ‘coz of tere.  yes, you, tere!

thanks for introducing me to the games of facebook, especially cafe world.  addicting talaga sya!

and thanks to you din ta affected na ang work ko!  hahaha!  can’t work properly when am keeping an eye on the foods that am cooking, in case they spoil.  and if they do spoil…gaaaaahhhhh!!!…sayang ng lost hours!!!  hours yan ha!  hours!!!

and thanks to you din that have to purchase an additional RAM so i can play the game properly, without too much glitches and lalo na without too much lags!  lappytappy was suffering na pati from “severely low virtual memory” when am playing cafe world, so she needed a giga boost para i can enjoy it properly…and work at the same time, of course.  hahaha!

oi, tere, do you know that there are cheats and tricks sa cafe world?

trap your waiters behind the counters so that they don’t have to go around serving the customers and risk other customers walking away, giving you the thumbs down ‘coz the waiters couldn’t serve them on time.  the thumbs down decreases your buzz rating, and with it, it decreases the numbers of customers entering your cafe.  the foods will automatically appear on the customers’ tables.  magic!

and you can also try trapping the cook behind the stoves and putting something between the cook’s and the waiters’ sides, so that the cook doesn’t have to walk towards the counters to serve the food.  the food will automatically appear on top of the counters.  magic!

there’s also this software (i forgot the name) that you can download and install to get more stoves, but i wouldn’t recommend it, in case an error occurs in your game and the error becomes irreversible.  ehehehe.

yan  man lang.  hehehe.

the real mekeni sales representative

ooookkkaaayyy…

part two of the mekeni story (am getting tired typing…sheeesshhh!)

anyhoo, the real mekeni sales rep called about an hour or two after the scammers left.  he told us that he’ll be dropping by the store tomorrow to look at the products and the price list.  but since we were going to camaligan that afternoon, we decided to bring the products with us and visit him instead.  unfortunately, he wasn’t there.

he did visit us the next day though, and he brought with him a newspaper showing an article about the mekeni scam. we showed him the products, too, and except for one or two of the items, the rest seems to be the same as the original mekeni ones.

then he went on and on about the fact that there is only one wholesaler (or was it dealer?) here, a doctor somebody (forgot his name though) and that he, the sales rep, immediately collected the cheques from their clients when their main office called him and alerted him to the fact, in case daw the scammers think of collecting them for him.  hehehe.

what else did we talk about?

we talked about the real products, the scammers, and that this kind of scam has been going on for quite some time now daa, but the funny thing was that the fake sales rep was better at sales talk than he was.  hahaha!

so the whole episode left us with eight mekeni products that may or may not be fake and that may or may not be safe.  we did eat four of them though, some of them became pulutan, and some rachel took home with her.

but, hey, we’re still alive, kicking and breathing, working and facebook-ing.  hahaha!

btw, here are the numbers of the mekeni main office and their local office number here in camaligan, in case you are offered the same business deal and you want to check the validity of that offer.

1. (045) 458-0000 .
2. (02) 927-4692.
3. 4749266 (camaligan number).

*sigh*

it really was too good to  be true, and we were too stupid and too busy counting the “kachings!” that we almost fell for it.  and thank god that there was one doubting thomas in us who converted us stupid asses to doubting thomases, too.  plus the power of the internet, without which, it would’ve been almost P3,000 down the drains, literally.

the mekeni story

seemed like it was heaven-sent by the gods when a person claiming to be a sales representative of the mekeni company approached the store two weeks ago, showing me a folded piece of bond paper containing their list of products, wholesaler prices, retailer prices, and standard retail prices.  he then went on to discuss a good business deal, a very good business offer.  he said he was from panpanga and that they were looking for a business partner here who could act as a wholesaler for them.  of course, was interested in his offer, and so was gords.  however, didn’t want to make the decision on my own so called bo.  after about an hour of discussing the business deal, we shook hands.  the decision was relatively easy to make, especially since bo and i were talking about adding new products in the store and thought of selling cold cuts, so this deal really seemed perfect.  anyhoo, who would not have grabbed an opportunity like this, right?

what he was offering was a mekeni product dealership, and it was so very much like a win-win situation that it immediately caught our interest.  and honestly, the sound of imaginary “kaching-kaching” was too much to ignore.  hehehe.

s’okay…the deal goes this way…

he told me that we need to purchase 30 kilos of mekeni products worth more or less P5,000 on the first shipment, but i didn’t want to risk that much and told him that that was a bit too much for me.  he saw my interest fading, so he bargained.  “get half that much, and the dealership is yours.”

told him that have to think it over, but he said that the offer was good for that day only.  however, the opportunity sounded too good to pass up, so finally called bo to help me and gords decide.

here were the terms and conditions of the dealership:

1. 15 kilos of mekeni products for only about P2,500+  as starting stocks, as compared to the whole 30-kilo deal, but if you opt to choose the 30-kilo deal, you get to benefit from a 10% discount.
2. the second month of your dealership, you get a free freezer, plus a whole lot more.  one, the mekeni company will shoulder the electricity consumption of their freezer.  two, you can store other products inside the freezer like soft drinks and ice, except, of course, their competitors’ products such as pampanga’s best, purefoods, etc.
3. they will put signage over your store like banners, posters, and streamers to advertise the mekeni products.
4. you get to benefit from their great consignment deal on your second month as a mekeni product dealer.  this includes picking up old stocks weekly and replacing it with new stocks so as to keep the good name of their company.
5. the company will provide you a customer base, the retailers that they are delivering their products to, and these will be the carenderias near you as well as the smaller sari-sari stores in your neighborhood and other neighboring streets.

of course, we were ecstatic over this wonderful business deal.  we  need not worry about unsold and expired products, the additional cost of electricity, advertising the product, and establishing our customer base because they will be provided by the company.

then lala, the doubting thomas or thomasa, for that matter, showed up.  with frantic eyes, she signaled that she wanted to talk to me, so up i went and talked it over with her inside our room.  then she asked one little question that was going to put the big seed of doubt in my mind.  “why choose us when there are better and bigger stores?”

when i went back down and asked the sales representative why he chose our store, all he said was that they needed a store where they can drop big loads of mekeni products and a store which is very much accessible to their retailers because, he said, the cost of transporting their goods from one store to another is a bit high as compared to having one store where their retailers could go to when they run out of supply.  s’okay, that sounded good enough.

we then discussed contact details, their office location, his name (which he hasn’t told us yet, mind you), and the money we were supposed to shell out for the first stock.

*insert warning bells ringing here*

phone numbers, he said, will be given when we receive the receipt.
office location, he said, was in our local wet market area.  the exact location of which he cannot specify.
the money, he said, will amount to more or less P2,500.
name, he said, was karil.  no last name…just karil.  name was given after we shook hands to close the deal.

and then he said he’ll be back after lunch with his boss and that they’ll be bringing with them the products and the posters and banners.

when karil (or whoever the fuck he was) left, we discussed the warning bells we heard ringing  in our heads and what to do in case it is a scam.

1. karil was not in mekeni uniform.  that much shouldn’t been obvious to us (slaps head in disgust!).
2. the product and price list was just a piece of folded bond paper, as compared to valid sales reps who show you brochures and folders.
3. he couldn’t tell us the exact location of their office.
4. he couldn’t name the retailers he said would be coming to our store to get their supply, except for ate nene, and there are way too many ate nenes in way too many carenderias in naga.
5. he couldn’t tell us upfront their office phone numbers, except that it will be written on the receipt.
6. he couldn’t tell us the specific reason why he chose this store, except for what have written above.
7. when gords spoke in kapampangan to him, he couldn’t answer a simple “nanung lagyu mu?” or “what’s your name?”
8. he didn’t even understand what gords meant when he said “lukluk keni” or “sit down” when gords invited him to sit with us at the store’s table to discuss the matter.

bo said, “look at it this way, if this wholesaler deal turns out good, we have a good business deal.  if it is a scam, we have some cold cuts to eat (in fact, lots of ‘em for days to come, worth 15 kilos!).

gords said, “just make sure though that you don’t give them any money unless the products are on the table and make sure, too, that you count the products and that the amount is right.”

me, “don’t you two fucking leave me here alone to deal with them when they return.  i’m gullible and susceptible to scams, so don’t you dare leave the freaking house or you might go home only to find out that i’ve given them the store’s cash, earnings, and more!”

after gords and bo left me to mind the store, lala, the ever-doubting thomasa (thank god for that!), came down and nagged me about it, “are you sure?!  how sure are you sure?!”

to ease my doubts and stop her nags, i searched for “mekeni scam” in the web, and lo and behold, there were stories about such scams.  here’s what i found:

1. from a forum in sulit.com.ph warming people of mekeni scam.
2. from the blog of paetechie, warning of the same thing.

so, what to do?

1. cancel the deal, of course.
2. call mekeni head office and ask them if they are aware of this.
3. bash our heads with a big stone for being such gullible asses!

after lunch…

we called the mekeni head office, but unfortunately, we couldn’t contact them.

and then karil, with an older man, came back, lugging with them a red mekeni basket filled to the top with mekeni products.  was sick just looking at them, at both the people and the products.

don’t know why but the fact that karil took off his slippers before he entered the store struck me as odd.  haven’t known any sales representative taking off his shoes before he enters the premises of a building.

anyhoo, older man ordered karil to show us the expiration date and to count the products, while gords pretended to count with him and check their prices.  everything checked out right.

then called bo (who looked about ready to cry when he saw us entertaining them) to help us shoo them away.  they talked a few minutes about the products, and then they gave us the product list (which was the same fucking folded piece of crap!) and the receipt, which:

1. has no company name and address.
2. has no company logo.
3. has none of the what-have-yous needed to produce a legitimate company receipt.
4. has no contact numbers, except for the written cellphone number that was probably karil’s, seeing his name was written above it.

gords asked them why that was so, but they didn’t have any answer, except to say that that was their official receipt.  gords and bo began quizzing them once more about their office location, which karil insisted was at the wet market.

the older man, seeing that we were beginning to doubt them, said that he was calling their bigger boss (who was apparently with them at that time daw) to explain the details to us.  bigger boss came and tried to get us to sign the receipt, which we refused to do, of course.

it was funny to note though that karil seemed to know much more about the products than bigger boss did, and whenever we directed our questions at bigger boss, it was karil who would answer.  they gave contradictory answers as to the location of their office here.  karil says wet market, bigger boss says pili.

anyhoo, older man was outside the store, impatient and was starting to get angry, i know.  he gave bo numbers to call, including the number of their biggest boss here in naga.

bo went up and pretended to call the numbers they gave him, but he called the mekeni head office instead.  fortunately, he finally got a hold of somebody who told him that…
no, there is no such wholesaler deal…
and yes, they are aware of the scam…
and no, we should not deal with the scamners…
and yes, they have an office here in camarines sur, but not at the wet market or in pili, but in camaligan.

person on the other end of the phone also told bo that they will be contacting the camaligan office and that bo is to wait for their valid sales representative’s call.

when bo came back down, he told them that we want to think the deal over, but older man insisted that the deal was good for that day alone but says that we can call them in case we wanted to push through with it.  knowing that we were becoming doubting thomases, he showed us his ID but was careful enough to cover his real name.  he went on to say in a huffy voice that they are not scammers and that they can be trusted.

karil remained impassive; bigger boss looked liked he was suffering from severe constipation and wanted to get the hell out of here; and older man was pissed off that a deal had gone bad.

anyhoo, to close the issue, older man told us to simply purchase something from them to compensate their efforts for lugging around the products (plus the bogus sales talks, am sure!) and wasting their time.

steering away from any arguments and other nasty stuff, we decided to buy one of each product, and so we were stuck with eight types of mekeni cold cuts.  but hell, shelling out P328 is way better than giving them P2,788.

we promised to give them our decision the next day, and they promised to come back the next day.

fortunately, both promises never came true.

ay, third palan, counting mine.  hahaha!  promised to tell you the story but didn’t. ehehe.

grrr….

LORD, SAVE ME FROM STUPID PEOPLE!!!

>_<

we’ve been to the mekeni office.

one-man army wasn’t there.

story tomorrow, pwamis!

gggiiiyyyyaaahhhh!!!

my attention’s shot to hell because of mekeni products.  now, can’t write.

will tell you, guys, the story later, as soon as things get cleared up.

mekeni sales representative will probably drop by the store this afternoon.  bo and i will wait for him.

wait…

bo and i are going to sua.  we’ll drop by their office today.  now na!

bye-eee!

story later, pwamis!