the things you teach a toddler

it is important that you have to be very careful when you teach your toddler new things.  you have to choose the books and the movies that you want them to see.  and you also have to make sure that they don’t hear you swear or use cuss words, especially since they almost always absorb everything like a sponge.  but that’s the story of other parents…and not this mama though.

am changing his diapers but he’s being very fussy, so i have to grab the first thing that my hand touches to distract him so he stays still.  unfortunately, i grabbed an old pocketbook, the cover of which was the fabulous fabio holding a near-naked woman (who’s looking totally horny, btw) in his strong, manly-man arms, muscles bulging and sweat pouring out of his glands.  now, i have to think of a story really quickly so that his attention shifts from rolling over to prone and then standing up to the story am now telling him.  of course, have to describe the picture in the cover and have to make wild gestures, too, to really catch his attention.  but what story can i tell based on the picture?  s’okay, have to point out the jewelry the woman was wearing as well as the color of her gown.  would also describe the man and how his hair was flying all over the place.  the couple in the picture were making out aboard a ship, for crying out loud, and there was one helluva storm in the background, hence the hair flying all over.  when i stop telling the story, niko would repeatedly say “mama” over and over again and would only stop when i begin the story once more.  then i’d realize that am already saying “o yan, harani na ang kamot kang lalake sa boobs kang babae.  guro na pati sinda bold.”  niko, upon hearing the familiar word “bold,” now associates the book with bold.  one time when i was working, he walked towards me, holding up a book.  then he said “mama” like a sirang plaka (trust me, it can get a little bit irritating) and would wave the book up at me.  i glanced down at him and asked him what he wants.  he then showed me the book again, said “bold,” grabbed my hand, and placed it on top of the cover.   i realized what he finally wants me to do.  he wanted me to tell him the damned story of the couple!

toddlers, like i said, have minds like a sponge.  when i teach niko something and it made me laugh out loud when he tried to mimic me or say the word, he’ll always repeat it again and again.  one afternoon, lala was ranting about our hired help and muttered “boto nya!” in a very pissed voice.  niko, who was sitting between us that time, turned to lala and said “boto.”  of course, it had us rolling on the floor and laughing out like old hyenas.  it had him laughing, too, and before we knew it, he was repeatedly saying “boto” every time we look at him.  it’s not right, i know, to accidentally teach him a foul word, but it was so damned funny, and it was so cute the way he said that.  hahahaha! anyhoo, i was changing his diapers and was applying powder on him when he suddenly grabbed his pitotoy.  irritated ‘coz i wanted to finish the job quickly, i muttered under my breath, “yan o! yan ang boto mo!”  he suddenly stopped and stared at me.  i honestly thought that it was the anger in my voice that stopped him and was glad that i could finally finish changing his diapers, with him staying still.  but do you know what the baby did?  he took hold of his pitotoy once more and said “boto” at the same time.  of course, that had me laughing like a hyena once more until we were both laughing like crazy old loons!  but this joke though is now becoming a bit of a problem when am changing his diaper.  *sigh*

gords, compared to me, is a bit of a prude.  he refuses to teach niko naughty jokes like “ano ngani problema ni papa saka ni mama mo?” to which the toddler would promptly reply by opening one palm, and with the index finger of the other hand, repeatedly poke the opened palm (the sign for sex, to be crude.  ahahaha!)  and i agree with gords.  i don’t want to teach niko that trick…’coz that’s an old joke!  here’s niko’s and my version.
me: “ano ngani ang tinao saimo kang Dyos?”
niko: “boto!”
when i showed the new trick to gords, i admit he didn’t seem thrilled at first.  in fact, his prudish self was a bit offended.  but offended or not, the hyena in me was howling like a madman.  it cracks me up, always does.  it never fails to make me laugh, so sue me.  hahahaha!  anyway, gords’ office mates were in our home yesterday afternoon, so gords decided to show niko and his new tricks to his friends.  there’s the “hilinga daw sindang matarom” to which niko would lower his head and glare up at them (see his father’s son post); then the “pano magkarigos sa uran?” to which he’ll mimic taking a bath, washing under the arms included; then the “anong pinakamakatakot na hilang ngonyan” to which he’ll reply “hini!”; and so on.  as a finale, gords asked niko our question, “ano ngani ang tinao saimo kang Dyos?”  of course, niko replied “boto” promptly.  it had them laughing, too, and one of them even commented, “sugad talaga saimo ang aki mo, padi!’  of course, the comment had the hubby preening like a pleased peacock.  but one irritating bit about it though was that he accepted the joke as his!  hehehe.  but that’s okay.  i don’t want to accept naman that the joke came from me, especially since he repeated it when he was talking to his mom last night!

bought niko a book one time and told him the story.  he was listening so attentively that i was pleased about that, but what really caught his attention was the fact that there were little flaps inside the book that you could open and reveal another picture underneath.  the book was our “bonding moment” before he goes to sleep, and as always, he would listen attentively and would promptly open the flap that i was pointing at.  really thought that he would tire of the story pretty soon ‘coz am getting somewhat bored repeating the same story over and over again.  but he shows no sign of getting bored of the book.  every night when we’re in our room, he would always scamper towards the book, grab it, kneel-walk towards me, and repeatedly say “bun-neh! bun-neh! mama! bun-neh!”  he would only stop when i take the book from him, open it, and begin the story.  but i know he’s getting tired of it though ‘coz when he’s already given me the book and have already begin telling him the story of the bunny, he’d always turn his attention back to the tv.  the moment i stop talking, he turns to me, grab my hand, put it on top of one of the little flaps and say “bun-neh! bun-neh! mama! bun-neh!” over and over and over again!  he’s tired of the story, i know, but for the heck of it, he just wants me to tell it to him anyway.  gaaaaahhhhh!!!

but despite all these, it never fails to amaze me how he soaks up so many things and how he retains them.  the baby’s brain really is like a sponge, and i agree that you have to be very careful in the things you teach him.  i let him watch tv to broaden his knowledge, and i read books to him so that he’ll love books as i love them when he grows up.  i tell stories out of mundane pictures and things to encourage his imagination, and i always, always praise him when he’s done something good and tell him when he’s done something bad.  but once in a while, the little imp in me rears its naughty head and teaches him inappropriate jokes.  hehehe.

of course, i plan to correct him, too, when the time comes, so don’t worry about that.  but for now, he’s being a bundle of joy and giving me buckets of laughs!

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